R.I.P Milk Ducts

5 Days. That's how long it's been since I nursed Anna. I can't believe how hard it's been. Not on Anna, but on ME!

This process started when I went away at the beginning of the month to the states. Anna was with her Nana Kathy for 4 nights and, for the first time, was 100% on the bottle. When I returned we continued nursing throughout the night as we did before. Confession time. Anna is SO awesome. She is incredibly happy, friendly, flexible, funny and so many other wonderful traits. Her tragic flaw is that she is a horrible night-time sleeper. In the past year she has slept 6 or more hours straight only 10 times (maybe not even that frequently). It's bad. My theory is that maybe her sleeping will improve if we stop nursing. It is slowly improving. Lately, she has  been waking up for a bottle somewhere between 10:30-12:00, then again around 5 , and is up for the day between 7:30-9. I usually don't go to bed until after she wakes up for the first time. I figure, why bother?

To be honest, another reason I wanted to wean, was to reclaim my body and try to regulate it. 
On Wednesday night/ early Thursday morning, Mitch was taking a little long to grab Anna's bottle and, for the first time, Anna started "searching" for me. (Those who have nursed will know what I mean). I felt so badly! It was so hard to watch.

I almost feel like I am mourning a little. I mean I am not crying or losing sleep over this, but I frequently fear, what if this is the last time I ever breastfeed, and I don't even know it! Have a rushed this?

To all women who are not yet mothers and will be someday, her is my advice:

If you can, BREASTFEED!

Here is the truth, the first 6 weeks you WILL want to quit. It hurts, is SO much work, and can be annoying. HOWEVER, it gets easier and then becomes enjoyable, and eventually, like me, you will be SO sad that it is over. Nothing compares to the bond between a nursing mother and her child and as crazy as it may sound, I can't wait to do it again someday :)

One of the closest pictures I have of me breastfeeding. Some may find this gross,  but I wish I had pictures of us nursing,   just for us.